By Lezah Young
Relationships, with one’s self and others, can be a source of immense satisfaction, inclusive learning, and often a place of profound emotional depth as well as a deep, heart, expanding experience.
I believe that the connection with one’s self, taking into consideration the fact that we’re fully programmed by our family of origin, our society, religion, and our culture, is the first and primary relationship that affects all others.
Furthermore, if we’re truly inner connected, meaning we’re aware of our needs, our thoughts, desires, and fully aware of our shadow selves, the place where we hide the things we can’t accept about ourselves, aware of all of our emotions, not just the ones that society, religion, culture, and families deem worthy, we can rejoice as we’re accepting all aspects of our beautiful selves. With this holistic connection, a lasting, enduring consequence of trust can be not only conceived of by us, but sturdily, steadfastly, and solidly birthed.
It takes attention, impeccable, unrelenting attention to detail, to experience such a place to work from within. It’s not for those who want a quick fix, as we can fool ourselves even more than others can if allowed. Nor is it for those who want what they want, yet they know not why. No. For this kind of evolution one must attend to, not turn away from, the places inside that ache. First, they must be able to feel the pain and understand the soreness; they must begin to know themselves for expansion and evolution to attach a strong foothold in their lives, and for their relationships to become emboldened and fruitful.
Lately I’ve had a number of sessions with people in emotional upheaval, having difficulty with uncomfortable, corrosive issues appearing within their love relationships. Some of these clients express anxiety around the notion of answerability, the idea of one’s being fully liable for his or her behavior. Many of us have developed a certain amount of accountability, at least to others, yet still have trouble holding ourselves answerable for the ways we treat ourselves, our bodies, our minds, and our hearts, where abandoning ourselves comes too easily. Still others seem more like foreigners with selective amnesia when it comes to seeing the impact their behavior has on their loved ones and themselves.
When people are unable to be accountable for angry outbursts, feelings of insecurity, or unable to listen to their intuitive voices, much less heed that quiet, almost whispering little voice, or see themselves enough to identify that their toxic shame stifles their attempts at creating the intimacy they so long for, those are people who can’t change. They can’t change their behavior because they can’t acknowledge that something they’ve done has gone wrong; they’re consumed with the erroneous belief that at their core, they are intrinsically wrong, instead of the real truth, which is that they’ve done something that has gone wrong, a sad state of affairs.
Furthermore, when people are unable to be liable for their deeds, they often point the finger at others. Sometimes, people insist on being right. I call those people right-fighters; because they can’t hold themselves accountable, they must be right at all costs to hide the flaws they so desperately despise and compulsively need to occlude. Accordingly, when one is unable to face his or her responsibility, the control pattern is that one cannot sustain love. It kills love by smothering all pure intentions. It destroys the viaduct of connectivity between souls.
Consequently, when people come to me for help in discerning their part in a conflict, I thoroughly delight in shining my judicious torch into the corners and into their hidden places within, highlighting the sources of their anguish. I relish using my sleuthing abilities, scanning the entire issue, dissecting the full quarrel, where it started, why, where it leads, and how to navigate stealthily through the tricks, the illusions, and the fears that can immobilize us into nonaction, and after 32 years of working with my clients, this remains thoroughly satisfying for me. The goal of such a session is to empower them once again by reconnecting them with their authority, their livelihood, their truth, and the purity of their intrinsically honest emotions that never lie.
What I know is this: Without commitment to thorough accountability—even when it hurts to acknowledge one’s responsibility and when to do so is a testament of self-love—without the courage of conviction to be impeccably accountable for one’s actions, all of them, there is no honesty, no authentic intimacy, and no hope for a real and lasting bridge that provides a beautiful path to the unfathomable, opulent, depths of human love.
Call me with your concerns. Call me with your fears, and show them to me. Call me about anything you need to understand more clearly, or anything you want to accept fully. Call me for an opportunity to release what no longer works and to provide new hope and new direction for resolution and resolve. Lets work together, you and I, side by side, facing the dragons. I will provide the swords!
Lezah Young is a life intuitive, 530-413-9416, Innergrowth.email@example.com.